do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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