I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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