i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
