I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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