I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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