I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
