New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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