My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
