Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
