in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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