I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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I am one with the molecules
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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