this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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