Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
