I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
