You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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