so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
