I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
