found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
