New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
