i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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