Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
