he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
