you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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