I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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