Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
