dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
