people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
