The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
