half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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