did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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