Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
