I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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