Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
