im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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