there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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