Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
