ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
