It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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