I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
