i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
this hospital has no fireball
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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