Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
