she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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