Did you just see the Batmobile???
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
