What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
