I've blown a few things in my day
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
