That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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