I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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