Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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