I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
