dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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