my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You ate ashes out of my bong
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