i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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