do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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