my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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