He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
