There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
