pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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