road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize