so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
