Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
