Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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