birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
