I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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