I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
