So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
