Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
