I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
