I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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