Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
