i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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